Category: Dating and Relationships
I do not know about some of you all but some times I just feel like a good fuck!. This is going to bee frowned up on but I don't know just felt like posting it. So what about you! do you all seem sometimes just like fucking the shit out of someone or getting the shit fucked out of you. Well post on and have fun with this. :)
It's only human and natural to desire sex. It shows that you're a human being. Provided that you're both consenting and mentally competent adults, there shouldn't be a problem.
I admit there have been times when i've wanted to get laid but haven't. why you may ask? guess i haven't found the right person, and no one's ever asked me if i wanted to...but oh well. smile
Why would this be frowned upon? Just go take a look at the Sex Addicts board, and I think you'll see that the Zone populace in general likes sex. LOL. And, nothing wrong with wanting a good fucking. Sometimes it's even more fun with someone you love, cuz you can be all wild, but you're not degrading each other. But Eleni is right, even if two people aren't in love, as long as they're both of legal age and consenting, and on the same page about it, have at it.
Yeah Alicia's right, and y'all are killing this topic. Want this board to be fun, I'll make it fun hot damn it whether you like it or not ...
Ahem. Every day, from the time I wake up in the morning to the time I fall fast, fast, fast asleep at night (generally very late at night,) I'm horny. I hide it well, but I'm very horny all the time. I have the sex drive of a man. If you get to know me at all, you'll hear that 10 times a day. Now we all know what sex is, we all know how it feels to crave sex, and we all know how it feels after a good fucking ... almost all of us. lol. So hell, why beat around the bush? A good, long, wet, hot, steamy, loud, passionate fucking feels just wonderful in the midst of this endless craving. My ... yoohoo (in consideration of virgin ears,) is constantly on fire, but I've learned to ignore it when I need to. All day, every day, I ... need ... sex. That, and a medium rare steak with a tall cold whiskey. lol
Beat that bitches! :)
Jessie
Yes, to be honest, sometimes, hell, all the time during the last 2 or 3 years, I've just wanted some good hot sex. I'm pretty curious about that curved cock of yours too, dan, but you're married, and I'll asume, totally straight. Still, just copping a feel... Hmmm.
Lmao, Jessie! You go! I can't beat that post, or rather, I might be able to, but I'm not going to try on here, of all places. But hey, glad someone has the proverbial balls to say all that.
I am straight as a board! still don't know who to answer that devilish anthiny. As for this topic, I love to fuck the shit out of my lady.
Fuck the shit out of her? I take it you're in to anal sex then? LOL
oh Jessie!! I love your spunk!! :) You have the guts to say what most women are thinking, but alass, will never admit!!
I think Rosanne Barr said it best when she talked about how the men are mad at most women because men only want one thing. that same one thing isn't even in the top 10 list of things a woman wants, and she still wants it more than a man does.
When she described the whole menstral cycle, going through all the different personalities a woman had, one of the 28 different personalities was the Harlot. For the description, she said, "I just want to be and get fucked. I want it once in the morning just to open up my eyes, once at night just to close 'em, and once in the afternoon just cause I know he don't want to."
If a woman doesn't talk, she won't get any. So I'm always sure to make my feelings clear. But when words fail, go in the bathroom, take off your clothing and come out naked for your honey! That'll get the juices flowing for sure! lol
Very true, Eleni, and nice idea. Grin. but on the serious side, yes, a woman definitely has to make her wants known. But there's a difference in telling your partner, and shouting it from the Zone boards. Still, like Teardrop said, gotta admire Jessie's candor.
trust me on this one! coming out naked does not always work. :(
If it doesn't work immediately, it can usually get things going in the right direction, at least.
What is this fucking stuff. Hmm
Well, if ya ask me, why would you go into the bathroom to strip it? I mean, I always just ... well, forget what I do. lol, I don't wanna give ideas to the children.
Yeah, there is nothing wrong with sex for the pleasure and release it can provide. It can be so awesome and intense, animalistic, carnal, etc. I love love love good sex. and two side notes, rebel woman is fucking awesome. and tiffinitsa, that is a very good suggestion. There's nothing like being direct. smile.
Um, rebel woman is fucking period. lol, awesome too. Thank you dear. :)
I'm a freak.. Lol. Honestly, I don't really have much of a libido. I never have...not that I'm that old, I'm only 24, but...meh. I dunno. I mean, I like sex; it's fine, but I don't constantly crave it or anything. I like it because it's a way to be close and intimate with my boyfriend, and he really, really likes it. Hells, he's oversexed enough for the both of us! But other than that...guess I'm just strange. What can I say?
As most of you are aware, I'm a sex freak. but only with I love. Call me whatever, I love love love sex. that's the most awesome heavenly feeling in the world. Provided if that is done with the right partner.
Raaj.
oh I will not be ashamed to put it out here that I am a freak lol. Nah in all seriousness, I used to date this guy who actually told me that I have this innocent look that hides it verry well but apparently he could look right through it and said to me I know you are a freak in the sheets. I just wanna see how much rofl. Anyway, to rebel woman,you tell 'em like it is lol. I gotta agree with you on the steak and whiskey as well rofl. Even if I do have a baby that doesn't mean my sex drive has tamed in the least, :p. In fact that's probably what got me in trouble with a baby in the first place rofl.
I admit, I'm a freak too. I don't try to hide it, I love sex, and have no problem with it. I have my limits, but they're pretty far out limits. And to answer the orriginal question, yes, sometimes I think everyone feels like they just need a good hard fuck, me included.
I think we all have a dark side. some people just hide it better than others. I like it when someone can be open and honest enough to admit that they're a freak. I especially love to hear a guy talking about what turns him on, whether it's straight or gay or anything else. I see all the time how the straight guys are so curious to know every detail about how a woman masturbates and what she's thinking of while doing it, and it's the same for me with guys. Heck yeah. Once in a while, quickies do have their place.
I've never had a one-night stand, but I'll be honest, I wouldn't put it past me. I can get so horny that I honestly feel drunk and without reason, which is exactly why I try to masturbate so much. lol, I couldn't live without my fingers and vibraters. I masturbate about 5 times a day on average because I have such an extreme sexdrive, and when I have sex it's never slow and gentle. If someone gets me turned on enough, I wanna get down and dirty pretty quick. Of course, with me it's never particularly quick either. :P
but yes, I'm a freak and very open about it. Some people have called me a whore because of my openness about my sexuality and my drive, but honestly I see it this way: You can either look at it as a bitchy slut, or a blunt, straight-forward woman who's proud of her sexuality. Take it or leave it, bottom line. I ain't changing any time soon.
Jessie
Jessie. I personally don't see anything wrong with women who are open about their sexual pleasure or escapades. Or women who are proud of their sex drive. More power to them I say, we need more women who don't conform to the quiet little girls some guys expect us to be as part of society lol.
Just from a guy's point of view, though I doubt I am like most guys, I love a girl who is open about that. I wish more girls would just be straightforward about that kind of thing, and stop trying to act either A. like they don't od it, or B. like they've done it all the time, and really have no idea what they're doing at all. Just be honest, if your a virgin, say your a virgin, if you've ridden more times than the hell's angels, just admit it. People are too closed up about sex, because its supposedly some taboo thing. Pretty much everyone does it, we're all born with the tools of the trade, and it feels damn good, where's the harm in admitting you've done it?
Cody, I believe your feelings are those of more men than you may imagine.
From my experience it's women, not men, who create the female mold. I don't know a single man who wants a woman to be mousy, stand-offish about it, etc. Most I know are attracted to someone who is open like that. You just rarely find women like that, and those who are are usually picked upon by members of their own kind.
Just remember, as H.L. Mencken said: The definition of missogyny is hating women as much as women hate one another.
Seriously, the sisterhood BS passed along to us, and the alleged battle of the sexes, etc., was a combination feminist political standing and marketing technique for television.
If you're a man and don't appreciate a woman being frank and open about this, prove me wrong and speak up: you'll be the first I've heard of. More often it's women, not men, oppress one another's sexuality, dresss, etc. And then have the nerve to blame us.
Naturally most women don't blame us I think: it's the vocal minority.
I'm not one of them, but I've been told that many men dislike a women that is open. They want the "I'm her first" or "I'm her best" experence. Many men believe if a woman is to forward she must be a "ho" Now men like a "ho" but not there special girl. Lol. Women I know have said they have to hide there sexuallity from men so that the man won't get intimadated. Also Anthony why does it have to be a "dark" side? Lol I like to call mine my "light" side. hehe.
for real. That's exactly what i'm talking about. And that brings me up to another thing. Now that he mentioned hoes. IN our society, it's totally cool and the man is a stud if he finds some girls and ends up being with all of them in the same night. Yet if a woman does the same thing she's a slut or a hoe? I don't know maybe it's just my mesed up views about society, but honestly if men can go messing around with as many women as they want and it looks cool to them I don't see why women can't do the same thing. why do they have to be labeled as sluts or hoes.
I'm right there with you Jess. I don't know what makes a girl a slut, there's no set definition. Its a word given to a girl that's having more sex than another girl is, by the second girl. Everyone likes sex, and some people have more than others; the ones who don't have enough, call the ones who do a slut.
I don't see what the emphasis on purity is all about. Why would you want to wait until your married, then have absolutely no clue what your doing on your wedding day, just so you can be pure for your husband or wife? What the hell does pure mean?
I love playboys definition for slut. It is "a person male or female that enjoys sex." A slut doesn't have to be single. Smile. I do agree with you, but the thing with societies idea is that stud is finding company someplace right? So if that is so and it is a good thing for a man to be a stud, then we need many hos right? That being the case you'd think men want more of them not less? Smile. I personally don't agree with society, and feel a woman should seek out pleasure if she so desires just like men do. You know it simplify things for both sexes. If the taboo was lifted people would be more likely to be safer and not secretive. The husband would get more sex from his good girl wife and vise versa, because people would be tought more giving. A man of woman won't feel the pressure to marry for pleasure, and for example, a gay man that is married because he is trying to do the correct thing, but that sneaks around on the side might not have to happen at all. That might translate in to less spreading of STD's and heartbreak for many. Its an interesting idea.
Like I said, I've been called many names for being as open about sex as I am. Whore, slut, tramp, desperate hoe ... it goes on and on. But I agree with the heartbreaker, there's no reason why I can't enjoy myself and be proud and open about my sexuality just because I don't have something dangling between my legs. It's a double standard that I prefer to ignore. Just because society might view me in a bad light because I'm not the norm of most women, doesn't mean I'm gonna stop having fun and enjoying my life and sex as I like it.
Heartbreaker, I think the reason for the double standard is that women are still, in some degree, seen as the ones who should be prim and propper, saving themselves for their husband's, etc. we still believe that women should be lady-like, while men are of a lower class and therefore should be allowed to act like pigs. I totally disregard this whole belief because in my own humble opinion, it's bullshit.
Jessie
I love sex, plain and simple. and I think there is nothing wrong with that. Whether in the context of a relationship or with a friend, it's all good as long as you're both clear about what you want out of it and all of that... I have been talked about and insulted at various times for being sexually liberated and honest, however, I really don't care. It's not my fault some people have hangups and stereotypes that they cling to, religious or otherwise... I love the intensity, excitement, stimulation, tastes, etc. I love exploring and pleasuring a woman. It can be a very beautiful and special thing, (and yes, even a one night stand can be special sometimes.) I really enjoy it and it's a shame that so many feel that it's something they have to hide from others when it's perfectly natural and positive. (Positive if you both make it that way I mean.)
i agree sex is ahsom!. I've only had it one time 4 years ago and i wasn't that expiriens on ses. or so i thought. now I'm with this girl who has two kids. i told her she was going to teach me, when we got to it heh turned out I was a total freek! and have nothing to lern from her. i know all her week spot and dam is good. love it when we end up soke in swet aftor a long fuck.
I! love! sex! plain and simple some times just like to fuck! because honestly after a long day it releases a lot of stress!. I like a lady who is up front and is not acting like a prem and proper. Sorry I am from the south but a freek is a freek so if your one of them bee proud of it!. I subscribe to sexaholics hell ya!!!.
Sex is good any time with anyone you trust as long as you don't lure people into relationships that they don't want or vice versa, but sex in general feeling fucking amazing. I can usually enjoy sex at least a little bit no matter how bad or inexperienced the person is. lol, I can find the feel good feeling in all sex. Mmm, sex any time any day or night with anyone sexy clean and down ... I'm into it all, and I'm still not a come slut :P
Jessie
Nice! Now if only there were more girls like you.
well there are lol they don't show it.
I think a lot of us could sometimes just use a good, healthy romp in the hay LOL. I'm suddenly reminded from a scene from Young Frankenstein. Roll, roll, roll in ze hay. LOL. And of course the guy she was with thought he was gonna get lucky. LOL.
I always wondered why they called it a romp in the hay. That just makes me laugh, lol, and not really think of wanting to have sex at all.
hmm... the best fucking is where the pussy gets all nice and jucy starts to make noise when your fucking it!!. Oh, my, I love that sound. :)
Back when that saying was born beds wewere mostly made from straw and cotton, or hay. Must happened in barns as well in freshly cut hay. Its soft, smells sweet. You are thinking about after its dry. Smile.
It comes from olden days. Back then, every member of the family slept in the same room; if not in the same bed. In quarters like that, a good fuck would have been somewhat uncomfortable. The only other building which allowed for fucking in anything approaching privacy, was the hayloft. The term rolling is a rather obvious one though. Hay is rather pleasant to "roll" in though, if it is new and freshly cut.
I have not been on the zone for a few months but i must say, I wish a lot more girls are like Jess.
It seems that girls never want sex but sex is secret ... I guess. I love hearing about a woman describe how she masturbates and even more, love to hear a woman masturbating.
There are some girls who have low libido and could take-leave sex intirely... or so they say. For a guy, we dont have much of a chocice.
Even though I am in my 30's, and been with a couple of females, I still have lots of questions and wish I knew a lady who would feel comfortable answering questions for me.
I would also love to masturbate with a woman via skype but doubt anyone would be interested.
Jonathan
lol! what did I do when I created this board!! smile!
Just maybe, maybe you've created a Skype match. Lol
Variety is the spice of life. All hail "Miss Right-now."
I wish I found ms right or even ms right now
A lady who would enjoy a little on line fun
I can relate to that LOL.
Yep, it's nowhere near as good as the real physical stuff, but it works sometimes. I do like it.
I like it if the girl's got a sexy voice anyway.
For me, as long as the guy is responsive and really gets in to it, without all the fake crap, it's good.
That's a given. LOL. Your partner's gotta be into it just like you. And that's one thing I couldn't say about my last partner. Te irony is se was often the one who initiated it. I ended up having to do all the work, so t speak. LOL.
well, you must have been doing something right, if she kept coming back for more. You go, big guy! But if she didn't show any signs that she was enjoying the moment, I can sure see how it would be boring as hell for you.
i enjoy a great fuck. the buzz factor makes it wilder for me. i enjoy being a little buzzed, stonded or back in the day a little high on blow. i like a partner who takes charge treats me like a slut and makes me beg for it! talk dirty to me dady! yea baby yea! *smile*
LOL. I'm not that crazy. But I'm with a lot of you. Sometimes I just like a good romp in the hay LOL.
I think most men just want a good hard quick fuck once in a while. Some of them are afraid of admiting it though, for fear that it will make them seem insensative. I think that both the quicky and the long drawn out love sessions have their place.
Yup. Can't argue there.
It does not help that men in general are painted as such, "all we want is a good fuck and then thank you mam."
I guess that's one advantage of being in to the same sex. There's a mutual understanding.
Nothing wrong with a good fuck. LOL. I could go for one right now. LOL. Seriously though, that's why I don't hang around guys most of the time, because thhat's all that's on their minds most of the time it seems, and while I enjoy my sex that's in no way all I'm about.
I love sex. There is no harm in having sex with any one, but i don't like self sex, i want a guy to have sex with me.
I'm the same way. Gotta have me a nice girl to get nice and close with LOL.
Yeah, taking care of it all by yourself does get a bit old. I'm tired of playing with my own cock all the time. I want to play with someone else's for a change. :P
Yup. Sort of reminds me of those American Pie movies, especially the one where the guy went to whack off with some lubricant only to discover he'd used glue by mistake and glued his hand to his dingus. LOL.
Interesting topic, LOL. I think I'll have fun with it!
Yes!Yes!Yes! I happen to be in my sexual prime and want to fuck and fuck and fuck! I am a nympho, I love everything about sex! Mmmmmm, from behind, from on top, from above, the ways and ways I could fuck...LOL
Very nice LOL.
LOL Floppy. If you're looking for cyberers, I think you just put out some mighty powerful bait. You go, Girl! And when it's done, come home and tell me all about it. :P
Mmmmmm, come one, come all....Haha
uh, didn't you misspell cum?
Uhhuhhuhhuhhuhhuhhuhh,come.
Lol, to funny!
Lol, I haven't fucked, seeing that I'm still a virgin, but I hope my girl's a freak. lol. I think I'd try everything, just once.
Lol Floppy, sense your in your prime, can I lose my verginity to you? lol JK
Just my opinion, but I think this topic tytle is disgusting; obviously; the language, but I hate sex being referred to as this; it takes all the emotion out of it; I guess, since I'm not into sex with randoms, it's prob why I don't like it but .. hey each to their own.
whatever you say, I too like sex very much but with different partners. I don't enjoy sex with my wife as much as I used to do at the beginning of our marriage life. Now I am really wanna hook up with a different girl.
Smart-guy? You fucking nuts? If your wife loves and cares about you, respect her, for fuck's sake! You can get the sex right, just speak to her...
smart guy if you do go through with fucking another woman, what's to say she wont go fuck another guy. Something to ponder, wants the deed is done, your relationship between wife and you changes for ever. One of you looses trust in the other and its going to take for ever to build it up. ,Sise, I am personally learning this lesson, just leave it at that for now. The only lady I want to fuck, make love to his my wife. Man, oh, man, I could go for that now.
OH my god I could use a good long fuck right now Lol. And you wanna know nympho, well, I have definitely been told by people that I am very much a nymph, lol.
LOL I like the sound of that. Grin.
Hi heard you guy's talk about sex/fuck. but please let me introduce myself! I am black african guy. my goal is fucking. couple of days ago, I fuck a girl until she ran out of the room nicket, she was passing blood through her puzzy. for real guy's this fucking went on for a four hours thirty minutes. I couldn't come down. I was so strong until I never got tire. She cry and cry but I couldn't just leave her. My dick is very long like 9.5 inches long, and big. Is any girl out here that willing to challenge me? just hit me up we can meet. Finally if you want a better fuck, just try the african guy. We can jump start that shit very fast.
Well Galonzo, I for one would be incredibly surprised if every woman on the zone hasn't already flooded you with private messages begging for some hot African lovin. You romantic little flower you.
Yes Galonzo, I'm pretty sure you could make a dubious living working for one of those email spamming companies. And if that doesn't work, there's always teaching english at the local high school.
LOL.
I like it in
the but
the mouth
and of corse in the pussy
I like to have sex with wean
and also three sums
is good for me.
I like to suck tits
also ate pussy before and want it again
so if any one
wants to
get to know me
and have some fun
like a girl
will talk and get things going
I like giving anal. I've put it up both girls and guys butts before, and found it extremely enjoyable. I like the feel of a pussy a bit better, but, giving anal is a nice way to change things up a bit.
As for taking cock, it's only OK. I don't think I could get off just by anal stimulation alone. I really like to have a girl play with my ass while I'm fucking her, though. It's best when a girl is comfortable enough with me to be completely uninhibited and go wild like that. LOL
ever had a guy suck your cock while fucking your ass with a couple of fingers or a dildo?
I like the ordinary lovin'. I like being in a position whhere the gal can wrap her legs around me LOL.
I am just a dam freek!! I go for only women though, I want to try anal and hell ya play with the tits while I am tapping her ass. Then I want to bust a nut on her tits and spank her ass. Kay :) :) done fantisising.
Well, I'm surprised this topic has stopped for such a long time, so I guess I'll start er up again!
I am a virgin, but I can't wait for that lucky day when I lose it! I'm curious though. What was the most shocking thing about that moment when it was lost, if there was anything that was unexpected or that you did not realize would happen?
I think the fact that a girl's first, or even second time isn't all it's cracked up to be, is pretty shocking for many people cause they're so busy fantasizing about how good it'll eventually be, it's hard to allow the harsh reality to sink in.
It's been so long since I've had any that I might as well be a vergeon again. LOL. My first anal wasn't really all that good, since it was practically forced. I'm glad that I gave it another chance years later. I do love it now.
post 91, my advice is to wait until you find someone you care for and vice versa before you lose it.
I think first times are so stereotypically bad because we put so much pressure on them. We stress them so much as this wonderful thing that will never happen again, so you have to enjoy it. You have to, do you hear me, you have to. You have to fucking enjoy your first time or you're a failure at life and you'll never have sex again and everything you do from that point on will be a failure and it will never be worth doing ever again and your boyfriend will break up with you and he'll go out with the head cheerleader because no one wants to date a virgin who can't do anything right and everything will be ruined. See, you're stressed out already, and I made all that up.
Seriously, relax, enjoy yourself, stop worrying about what it will be like, or if you'll do well, or if you have feelings for the person, or if you'll get married and have two daughters or only one, and if he/she loves you, and if you should be on top or they should be on top, or if you should wait until you're married. Leave all that stuff, its sex, its not rocket science, and you don't have to do it just once. The best sex I've ever had was after I didn't quite match up with a girl, and we talked to figure out how to make it better. The second time was incredible.
Yes, you will never have another first time having sex, but you will have another first time with someone. Believe me, the first time you have sex with someone you already know you're in love with, will blow the time you lost your virginity out of the water, and even more so if you know what to expect.
Virginity is such a crock. Its not that special. You're born one, no one celebrates anything you were born as except a virgin. Its not that big a deal. Relax.
Wow. Isn't that a bit of an over exaggeration? Sure some people won't enjoy their first time, and it would be better if you did lose it with someone who you did care about which is how it should be. Unfortunately things don't always work out how they "should be."
I say lose it to the first clean woman that will take it. Hurry now.
Lol Wayne! You are too much.
Why should you lose it to someone you care about? I personally think you should lose it to a good friend. That way, no feelings are hurt when you don't know what you're doing. and trust me, you won't know what your doing. I don't care if you have every film Ron Jeremy ever made, and you know the director's cut of deep throat by heart, you won't know what you're doing. The first time a girl gets naked, you will freeze up and everything you thought you knew will go out the window.
I say find a friend who knows what they're doing, and will take the time to show you what you might want to do, and what you might not want to do. Just make sure its one you can talk to afterwards.
Everyone wants there first time to be so special. They think it has to be with someone you care about, and they have to have potential, and the moment has to be right, and so many other things. Guess what, you're going to have a lot of girlfriends, unless you marry the first one you ever date. You've got maybe eighty years of life, and that's it. You are garranteed one go on the roller coaster, you might as well throw your hands up and scream at the top of your lungs.
Do you know what you actually lose when you lose your virginity? Absolutely frickin' nothing. Your leg isn't chopped off, you don't lose an arm, there's no cover charge (unless you go with the prostitute angle, which I'm not denouncing), you don't lose a single thing. No one has ever gone, "And this is my virginity, I keep it in this pretty green jar". You know why, because its just an idea.
You always hear, "You'll be unpure, don't you want to be pure for your first love"? Guess what, in the real world, no one cares if you've had sex before. The only people who do are the prudes, and you don't want to have sex with them anyway, they're boring.
Live your life and stop worrying about every possible consequence you might come across at one point or another. Life is way too short.
A good friend would be someone I would care about.
Also, not worrying about every consequence is stupid. I'm not saying you have to be cautious about everything, but then again you don't want to be stupid and get yourself in a situation that you can't afford, if you catch my drift.
people are so caught up in having to love the person they lose their virginity to, that it doesn't even occur to them to enjoy sex for what it is whether they're in a relationship or not. in the end, they're really doing a disservice to themselves by having that outlook.
I used to feel strongly about not having sex till I was in a committed relationship with someone, and words can't express how glad I am that such views have changed for the better.
it's an amazing part of life, and I refuse to deny myself the pleasure and fulfillment it provides physically, emotionally, and all around.
if you get yourself in a compromising situation, learn from it, rather than beat yourself up about it. life is really too short.
You could get yourself in a situation that you can't afford, whether it's your first time or your 1000th time though. Let's say you've dated this girl for about a year. You both care deeply for each other, so you finally get around to sharing that special moment. It works out wonderfully well... Months and maybe even a year or two go by and the two of you decide that it's time to part ways. Maybe you've grown apart. Maybe it wasn't as important to her as it was to you, so she left you for someone else. Now what are you going to do? When you meet the next girl, you're not pure anymore. You don't have anything special to offer her. Oh well.
I know you're speaking from a vergeon's perspective right now, but come back to this board in the next few years, once you've lost it and you and your vergeonity taker are no longer together.
that was exactly my point, Anthony.
I'm not saying that I plan to stay with the first person I have sex with, because things don't always work out the way one thinks. Yes, it should be enjoyable, but it shouldn't be regretable.
I'll ellaborate on how it can be regretable. Say you have sex and it turns out this "friend" you had has an STD and does not inform you. Or, you get so caught up in the sex that you forget to take percautions to prevent making a baby when you are not ready.
When you say it's sex, and you should enjoy it and live life to the fullest, that is what comes to mind for me. There isn't mention of safety and what not, that's what I meant. Maybe you guys meant that so I'm just clarifying.
anyone who has talked to me should know I think safe sex is a must. if someone thinks otherwise, that's purely assumptions on their part, and maybe also ignorance.
just as I think safe sex is a must, I'm not advocating doing it with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, either. that, also, should be known to anyone who has taken the time to talk to me.
Let me tell you a story. My mother was a nurse at an OBGYN office, that's basically a doctor who deals with the private parts, more or less. She once had a patient who came in with an STD that was going to kill her, there was nothing they could do. She was going to die from this STD. I'll give you three guesses how many times she'd had sex. That's right, once. She was in her late twenties and had waited until she was married. She'd never been taught about condum use, or safe sex, and thought that since her husband was a virgin, she would be safe. She was wrong, husband lied.
Now, there are a few lessons you could potentially take away from this. You could go, "gasp, I never want to have sex then, it could kill me", I hope you don't take that lesson away. Sex is a wonderful thing, I garrantee you it is the most pleasant thing you'll ever do when you learn how to do it. You could also take away, "Don't have sex with liars", which is good, but a little obvious. Or you could take away the idea that safe sex is best sex.
When I said that life is too short for you to worry about the consequences, I wasn't telling you to go and have sex with every willing partner you come across. If you want to do that, that's up to you, I have nothing against it. What I was saying was not to put so much emphasis on the consequences. Condums prevent most STD's, and most people you run into don't actually have an STD, no matter what the TV tells you. Use a condum, use the pill, which is actually more effective than condums at preventing pregnancy nowadays because people don't know how to use condums. When you feel an attraction to a girl, or guy, whichever, have sex, enjoy it, learn from it. If you want to see them the next day, then do it, if you don't, you haven't lost anything.
If you want an example of that, look at two girls, can you tell me which one is the virgin and which one isn't from the looks? No, you can't, the only way you can tell the difference is if they tell you, and they can lie. Virginity means absolutely nothing.
Ah. I see what you are saying.
What is "safe sex?" Think about that. Silver is right. People lie, and getting with that special one could mean no safe sex at all.
Safe sex to me means knowing your body, and the person you are going to share it with. Talkk is a must, and learning about the person a bit.
Yes I know you could still get caught, but most times if you are searching for a sex buddy you'll look in school, or your neighbors, or for people that don't have hang ups about it.
I don't like saying this, but looking in a safe place like church is probably the worst place. If a person had an STD they'd maybe not admit it, because they've got to admit there sinners.
Now, don't take that statement to heart, I say it to make my point. Even a virgin that is not hung up will be a better sex partner than someone that won't talk about it frankly, read about it, study how to give and receive pleasure.
You put sex in the closet you are likely to get caught buy all the other stuff that is kept in closets too. Junk.
wow!! wow!!! wow!!! i've actually read all of these posts. and i will say this much. i love, love, love, sex!! no, i don't do it everyday. why? well... because i am once again single. but before i had my kids, i enjoyed it for everything it was. now, when i lost my virginity, it was with my kids father. but for me, it was incredible. but all you gotta do is, relax about it. don't worry so much about it. it's all good. wishing i could find the right one for love, affection, and definitely the, sex thing. of course, nothing, will ever be the same as it was with my previous partner. yes, yes, i am the one with two kids and said i would teach him. but he ended up taking me to heights i thought i'd never come down from. do i miss him? hell yeah!! but eventually, i will hopefully find that one i can seriously have a good fuck from. but it's gotta be somebody who's on the same page as i am. but man oh man!!! i could sure use a hot steeming sex right now. it's definitely long overdue! however, i don't just have, sex with a friend or anybody like that. i want sex with a man who's going to be my partner for life!! yeah, that's me. the little goody too shoes!! but oh well. i got plenty of respect for myself. but it definitely doesn't stop me from longing for sex though. not in the least.
Well, as you know it is difficult to know if a person's going to stick around for life no matter how good the sex is or was, so in the mean time while you're waiting?
Smile.
Wow, I forgot about this topic, but I wasn't all that surprised when I read through all the posts. Lol.
As far as waiting to have sex with someone who you are sure you will be with for the rest of your life? Why? I don't see sex as something you need to wait for, if you aren't given the opportunity. What if you don't end up with someone who is willing to stay with you? I'm not saying this is you, but many people don't find that person. Some don't look in the right places, or for the right people for them.
Well, it is not a matter of looking in the right places. She, and also I were with people, but it is difficult to say if a relationship will last forever, or life.
A long time ago you could say this, because no matter what people stayed with the person, special women, due to support, society, and laws.
For her to even have stated the things she said back then would have made her look really bad, and people would outst her.
Now she has a right to feel as she does about sex and say so, but to wait on the person you'll be with for life is outdated I suppose.
I'm not suggesting a person have sex with anyone available, if thats not their thing, but if the trust is their, and the mutual feelings it seems that a person will waste themselves waiting.
How can you know 100%? You can't anymore.
I disagree. If you look in places such as a bar, or in a neighborhood where things like prostitution is high, you won't come up with anything of the extent. That is a very slim chance. However, there are more good places to look than such places, so I do get what you are saying to an extent.
Ah, I see what you mean.
In this case I'm not talking about looking for a sex buddy strictly because you are looking for sex. I am saying if you are single and need companionship enjoying sex with that person shouldn't require he or she tell you they will be with you for life, or even tomorrow.
I personally don't go looking for sex, otherwise you are correct, a bar or prostitute would be a bad place to find it, but if its just sex you want maybe not?
As much as I like sex, I'm not going out specificly looking for it. It has to come to me in the form of a friend, or companion, or a lady I enjoy with her clothes on. If I don't like her dressed I'm not interested in sex with her.
Now, if I like her, then I am sorry and it makes me sound like a pig, but I'm going to want sex from her if we are closer then strictly friends.
I am able to have a strict female friend, but we have to keep it on that level.
If it's just cyber, skype or phone sex, I'm down for whatever, but if it's physical, then yes, I need to at least know the person for a while.
I agree.I've never understood the wait till you're married thing. My very first GF was of that opinion and, while I tried to respect her views I didn't exactly understand her reasoning. It had less to do with religion really than with the question of what wold happen if we had sex and then later on down the road broke up. I pointed out to her that waiting till we got married, which we never did, was no guarantee that we would stay together. So it wouldn't really make much of a difference if we had sex while just a dating couple or as a married one.
That's another thing I don't understand. How come the feelings are different when it comes to phone, Skype, or ciber sex? Granted I haven't done it, but the idea of doing it with whomever, I couldn't do. The idea of it makes me uncomfortable.
Life is just too short to waste excessive time hoping for something as wonderful, and frankly necessary, as intimacy. Nothing wrong with being careful, but denying oneself a beautiful, and enjoyable sexual experience is just silly.
Two additional comments.
1. That bit about a virgin newly wed who got an STD which killed her? I frankly question that tale. To get married in every state requires a blood test which will turn up such STD's. It's true though people lie, and one needs to be careful
2. Virginity was only important when women were considered property. men wanted a pure clean product. That was another time in a messaginistic age. Virginity doesn't really mean anything anymore, and shouldn't mean anything except the fact of inexperience. Women have every right to use and enjoy their bodies as much as men do.
Ryan, if you really get off on the sound of someone else in the throws of passion, or if they know how to say things that turn you on, then Skype or phone sex can really work well. Some people aren't so much driven by that. For me, sometimes, it's just more fun not to jerk off alone. I really get off on hearing a guy jerking and cumming, so it works for me quite a lot.
Post 119: The blood test is the myth. I was not required a blood test 20 years ago when we got married here in Oregon, and I have asked around since, of people from various states and locations, and have yet to meet someone who had to get blood tested before marriage. Not all stds can be caught in the blood anyway.
I was going to say that. In fact most STD's can't be caught in the blood. AIDS can be in your blood for up to and over six months before it is detectible in blood tests. Some types of ciphalus require a test from the urethra to detect. Trust me, you don't want me to describe that test. And the blood testis a myth from a by-gone era. In fact, it is a racist myth from a by-gone era. Kinda like the rule of thumb which is still legal in a few states, or the laws against sex positions. Technically they're still on the books, but no one enforces them.
oh, well, i just feel in my opinion of myself, i would like to be a good example for my daughters. i'd like to live the ways i want to teach them. and, i didn't say i'd rather wait till i get married. because if that were the case? then i would have had my daughters as early as i did. i was 19 when i got pregnant. and 18 when i started having sex. i do want, to find me a forever partner. reason being? because i have been way too much heartache fo me to be playing the field. i am an emotional girl. not exremely so, but enough that i can't take pain of a broken heart too well. i won't go in to that, but yes, it's true. i'm tough as a nail when it comes to just about, anything else. but that? nah, i'm good. i've had my share of broken hearts. and then some. i'm ready to find that one i can, have a life with. but, that's just me. as far as having sex goes? i have to like the guy before i do anything with him. and i have to be able to trust him as well. now, if that makes me crazy? well, then, i guess there's nothing i can do about that one. i'm just being honest. but believe me, if i could have sex with somebody i trusted or loved? i definitely would. or if somebody liked me, and not just for the sex, yes, i would.
I am only saying when you decide to have sex you can't ever be sure the persons going to be your forever person, or even if he or she will remain tomorrow.
Love is another thing you can't test. I think people use that term I love you, when they understand it will open your legs. Love for me requires much time to grow. You know a person honestly loves you when he or she shows you in some way. Words are just words.
Many times women marry men because they've got good jobs. Soon as that man comes home and has to do a lesser job the woman leaves him. Now she said she loved him right?
Maybe after marage a man learns his new wife will never be able to give him a child. He leaves her, but he said he loved her right?
I don't knock wanting to feel special, but I do think it is as said a waste of life waiting to find that perfect person.
As to daughters, you not enjoying your physical life, or enjoying it won't teach them anything.
I'm not saying you should drag every man to your house, or have a string of them, but you can still have your physical life and teach them that it is a good thing.
As long as it's with someone you trust and who you know is clean, that's what matters. Granted some people lie and anything but can happen but such is life.
Well, you may be right that blood tests are from a by gone era, but a myth they are not. They were also not necessarily racist. I had to get a blood test for my first marriage in Ohio, but I admit that was a very long time ago. I did not need a bllod test for my second mariage in Arizona much more recently.
So it's not required in every state. LOL. As for laws it's actually a misdemeanor to have sex outside of marriage here in Idaho, and it's a law that's been on the books forever. But it's one of those laws that nobody enforces because the only way they really could would be to install video cameras in every home in Idaho.
That law could bite a fella! Dad gets mad because you didn't bring his baby home on time and well. Lol
maybe, but i just as well prefer not to just have, sex all because i want to and then, turn around and teach my kids that, "oh, it's cool to enjoy yourself as long as you trust that guy or practice safe sex." nah, i'm good. not saying i won't have fun either. but i want, to be in love. and i don't think people should always look at it as love could just be whatever. because believe it or not? there are, a few good men out there. and for you males, a few good women as well.
Why do you not want to teach your daughter that its ok to enjoy yourself as long as you're smart about it? What do you think is wrong about that lesson? What is it that makes sex so bad if it is done for the simple pleasure of it and not for reproduction or with the one you believe you will spend the rest of your life with? Do your principles against enjoying yourself extend to other subjects. Will you teach your daughters not to drink soda unless they have a reason for it, or not to join a dance team unless they are having their first dance at their wedding? Perhaps you will tell them they can only watch educational television or can only climb trees if they are rescuing a cat? What is wrong with having fun?
what will happen if you never find someone to spend your life with? you'll just deprive yourself of sex cause you haven't found the right guy, so you don't have the right to experience its pleasures? I certainly couldn't, and wouldn't, live that way.
When is that idea of "you need to be with the right one or in love" in order to have sex and be happy going to finally die?
Well some recent posts on here actually have me writing on a topic I never thought I would be writing on.
Cody, I know in your last post, you were being sarcastic, but the irony is, among those who are more prudish or hung up about sex, you will see them also hung up about any number of other things. She'll ask her man: "Why do you like that music? Why do you think that's funny? Why do you like that? I think you're getting addicted." and so on. You meant what you said perhaps in jest, but I contest that it's more real than anything else.
I challenge any woman who says she wants to make the man wait: I double dog dare you personally, to wait then. wait to download emotionally until you have found that right one. Wait to have anything paid for by him until you've found that right one. It's easy for a stuck up prude who doesn't like sex to wax eloquent, or H. L. Mencken might say they're waxing elephant, about the virtues of a sex free lifestyle. I know: I could be a dick and a pompous ass and brag to high heaven about how amazing, bad ass, pure or whatever you want to call it, that I am for not playing slots. Hidden truth? I could care less about slots. Put a hundred slot machines in my way and I'll simply walk on past. It's no temptation, and I would be a real jerk if that being the case, I made out as though I was somehow better than everybody else. Because they're chicks doing it, though, nobody will bring them down a notch or two, the way most normal people would to one of us turd guys pulling a stunt like that.
The real answer is, I don't know. I know what tradition states, and most societies portend, and it's all pretty universal, and no doubt the best strategy for human reproduction. Truth be told, human guys typically strut their ability to create a nest environment and human chicks come along and make a proper inspection of it. No more, no less. And in today's society - at least in the 90s when I was dating, - part of creating that nest environment was for a human guy to show himself to be sensitive, caring, thoughtful, able to do all things both domestic and professional. Basically human guys have been properly domesticated from a polygamist mentality for millennia and beyond, for the purposes of care and support of the offspring. We've just sanctified it, to provide it with elevated meaning, I think.
Now, what do I know: I've been in the same relationship for 20 years. I don't have to worry about playing the field and things like that.
But there is a reason why many now will say there is no real benefits in marriage to a man. If she, for instance, stops "putting out," he is going to not stop putting out financially, or putting out in taking care of the house the yard picking up the kids, etc. And when they split, she gets half the income in alamony alone, plus child support plus control over whether or not he sees the kids. Unless the guy is smart enough to hire one of these new attorneys for men. I've seen this saga so many times with so many guuys I've known over the years, I can just about preict the results now. Try switching that one around, boys, and if you have the kids, good luck getting child support. Again, now that they have attorneys for men, this is changing to some extent. But I am just saying, all of these morres and systems, are all about protecting women because we don't see them as able to look out for themselves, and at least we say we're looking out for the kids. But my last example on guys with custody of the kids getting the child support payments tells you how far that one really goes.
I guess it looks like I'm pretty cynical about the whole long-term monogamy thing. I am cynical, but not about the relationp. I am cynical about the better-than-everyone-else attitude associated with it, the assumptions that those who don't live like us long-term monogamists must be emotionally troubles or have issues or can't possibly be responsible about sex. The last time I heard that was from the gay haters, and before that, in an African History regarding people's attitude towards African slaves.
Now, I won't be spoiling what's been building for a couple decades, by straying from the nest. But I question the better-than-the-rest attitude behind many who are in committed relationships. I question calling it bad or being a pig to want sex often, when we laud, protect and encourage those who want other emotional types of releases often.
My problem with the thing is when people say I want to be in love. How do you get in love? What is love?
Guy meets girl. They like each other, and can have a conversation, and he and she thinks the other looks good.
Guy, if he's had sex, thinks he wants sex from that girl. I'm not a girl, but if I'm right, many girls say I'll give him sex and he'll fall in love with me, or like me better.
Guy and girl have sex. Are we in love yet? No. And I seriously think that if women admit it, they simply want sex too.
Love comes with spending time with a person, getting to know him or her, and after you've been through a few things you start to love a person.
The first thing that gets you to the bed room is not love, its want or lust if you are honest about it, unless you hate sex, and some people do, then it is still need, but a need of support or something else you want.
More times than not there have been women who I just wanted to fuck than I have liked or had a crush on. I'm sure a lot of guys do but won't say it. Like I've said before I haven't ever truly been in love with someone, and I haven't felt true love from another. The closest girl I dated that came close to that ruined any chances we had, and I chose not to deal with nonsense that was beyond my control and that she was not willing to fix. The other relationships I've been in didn't last long.
in my experience, the statement about guys not admitting they wanna fuck a girl, is backwards. it's mostly women who don't think that's appropriate.
Well again, Chelsea, I'd say that's more a Southern or Texas things. You get into so-called progressive areas, and it's not real progress, just the reverse of the South: instead of women being shamed into silence about those things, it's men who are, out of fear of being seen as a insensitive pig or something. Feminism is just fundamentalist Christianity / Islam in reverse: bad prudish hang-ups-ridden attitudes about sex, and use of shame to control people. Only for each case, it's just different people that are controlled, and in both case they blame nonfalsifiable past events on the new blood as a way to extract compensation. Not so much of a difference between Texas and California: only who is controlling whom. The so-called progressives, should really be just called reversives. They haven't learned anything: they're just as controlling as weird as the fundies they both scorn and immitate. Anymore, it's harder and harder for me to look at any of them with a straight face.
I'm a pig. I want somebody I'm saying so. She can decide if she want it or not.
I'm not going to be sitting around, under pressure, wondering if maybe she is interested. I can except no just as well as yes.
I am also a romantic, so will do the flowers, dinner, and whatever, but it still boils down to the same thing. I want her naked.
I have an x girlfriend who says she's waiting to have sex until she finds the right guy, which is basically her fancy way of saying until I take her back. But I know her too well to have any faith that in thirteen or so years she's changed. In fact I know she hasn't, havng spoken to her recently.
Wow, sorry, but that's heavy. You really think she's waiting on you for sex? If you and her were having sex, then you stopped seeing her she's really just hanging out until you come back?
I think highly of myself, and my abilities, but? Just wow!. Even if a woman told me that I'd have to suggest she go see a head doctor.
I'm good, but so are other men. Just wow!
Now for the reason I came to post.
On this play fighting it has got me thinking.
I think I’m a pretty liberal person, and I don’t have issues with expression or sex. I can even understand S and M, although I’m not in to it.
A play fight seems different some way. To get a fight started you have to say something like fuck you, or call her a bitch, or something to get a verbal response back. How do you get there?
I also can see a wrestle with someone, or you might smack her or him on the leg or something to get the wrestling started, but verbal?
Even in S and M people get off on power, or being ruled. I have no desire to do that either, but can see it. Maybe it is just me, but if some woman starts to call me names, or saying things about me that are negative, she’ll turn me off like a dip in the sewer.
Bryan, you're seriously kidding yourself if you think someone you dated 12 or so years ago is waiting on you for sex. if you were truly that man for her, as you like to think is true, why do you think she left you, if the sex was as good as you're saying? harsh, I know, but true nonetheless.
like Wayne, I understand being confident in one's abilities, which is certainly important, but you're taking it too far, man.
I also think play fighting is a crock.
Had to make a statement. I mean, if a guy really thinks he's got some girl just waiting on him?
A guy can think highly, but, come on now.
yeah that's a bit too arrogant lol.
LOL. I see that a few of you guys misinterpreted my last post. If it's because of my wording I apologize. I like to think I'm good in bed but I know I'm no sex god LOL. But getting more to the point, Chelsey and I actually never had sex. She was one of those wait till marriage types, but her reasoning was because she didn't want to have sex with a mere boyfriend and then have them break up later. I had the hardest time explaining to her that waiting to have sex until marriage doesn't in any way insure the marriage will last. Besides, she'd gotten the notion that sex was this disgusting and painful duty that women were expected to endure. And I was actually the one who ended our relationship because our personalities aren't really compatible. I'm no party animal by any stretch of the imagination but I do like to get out of the house to have fun from time to time. Chelsey's idea of fun is to sit around the house and do as little as possible and, when we did get out and about, to rigidly plan things so we'd be back home as quickly as possible. She was also one of those conservatively religious types who liked to tell me I was in danger of going to hell for every little thing I did. But what I actually meant when I said she was waiting to have sex until I possibly took her back was that she's told me I'd be the only man she'd be willing to even consider experiencing sex with. Why this is I don't know, but that's what she's told me.
Well, All I saw was this
"I have an x girlfriend who says she's waiting to have sex until she finds the right guy, which is basically her fancy way of saying until I take her back."
It was plain English. I read it twice, and slowly for a third time. I figured I understood it.
Next I said, damn, that boy love himself!
Lol
I was just as confused whenI heard her say that, believe me. LOL.
I did the same as Wayne, and I'm not confused ofyten.
LOL. Sorry about that. It certainly wasn't my intention to sound arrogant.
Personally, cody has said everything I want to say in a much more elloquent way than I could ever say it, so yeah, if you really want to have sex and want to experience, there is no sense in waiting for that right one because truth be told you will never truthfully know if they are the right one. Either things work out and they end up being the right one, or things simply just fizzle out and it ends up being another lesson you have to learn. Here's an interesting thought though for you right one types. What does it make you feel if you see someone who has been together for a very long time, by long time I mean more than 5 years, then they divorce? I knew a couple who had been married for 15 years, and got divorced, and you would think by being together that long, they found the right one. Do you see why the right one is something one could possibly never find? You never know what will happen, no matter how wonderful or amazing the relationship is.
Last post is right. I'm glad for all the things I've bet on over the years, I never put money down on a relationships between a couple. i've seen the most devout, or the most devoted, or the most sensitive 90s types, all of 'em split like rails under the railroad man's axe. It's going on 20 years for me and the woman I'm with. But while lots of people from psychology to priest like to wax elephant on how much they know of what it takes to stay together, anymore all I say is, I don't know. I know people who thought she and I would never last: we're quite opposites in a lot of ways. You got a schoolteacher and a bad-ass. And I guess a daughter that's a mix of both, now 18 and branching out.
All I will say though, is you gotta let each other be themselves. That is probably harder for the more conservative or stayed of the pair, though it does work both ways. The bad-ass can't be dragging the stayed one out into the open air to loosen them up either. Let each other be themselves and forget everything you ever heard from a priest or a shrink about change this, be that, you're not enough this, men should do that. When you blow all that away like so much dust off the coffee table, then you just might remember what brought you together anyway. So there ya go: I went and waxed elephant too.
Exactly. Folks like my grandparents on my dad's side. She's a devout Catholic and he was Lutheran. People figured they wouldn't last and yet this year would have been their sixtieth anniversary if he was still with us. My own folks haven't been married quite as long but almost.
I'm probably going to open up a can of worms here, but what the hell.
I sometimes wonder, when people say, I'm waiting for that one right person... I think they're either totally afraid of sex, or they're unsure of their own orientation. I say this from the perspective of someone over 40. When I was a teenager and young adult, there were so many guys who said they wanted to wait for that one right girl. Their standards were so high that no girl on earth would be able to live up to them. Most of those guys ended up playing around with other guys eventually, and some came out as openly gay. I don't know if they were honestly confused, or if they just said that they were waiting on the perfect girl in order to avoid the shame and bullying. It's just something I observed.
Sounds to me like they were maybe gay. After all, in the heterosexual relationships, men put forth what they got, and women still are the primary choosers. Men take the rejection and women give it. That's not an insult to women, and not even an insult to us straight guys who can be a bit of the fool more often than not, but it's the way it works. Only the selectors / choosers have the luxury of talking about standards, especially when we're talking the ridiculous kind you're mentioning. Sounds to me like, yeah, they were gay and living in a place and time where gay was seen as unacceptable, so they overcompensated by not just playing heterosexual, but trying to act like they were better than the rest of us guys and show they had "standards".
I know a woman exactly like that. She never would date. She finally married a guy, and it lasted until she went to a Lesbian group retreat in San Fran. Came home, dumped him, and has been as she was happily for years.
You might have a valid point
Though I agree with those who have questioned waiting for the right one, and though there are plenty of examples of long marriages of people who weren't so choosey, I must point out that a long marriage in itself proves nothing. Particularly in the older generations, long marriage is considered a badge of pride, and does not necessarily mean they are still in love, or even very compatible. I've been in two long marriages now. The first sucked, and I realized I was settling and not happy. I should have jumped ship a lot earlier than I did. The second has been glorious and wonderful and I haven't regretted a single day. However, if I had waited until I met my second wife, I would have missed many good things in life, and perhaps not have been as prepared to make my second marriage work better. If I had put off sex until I met the woman who has turned out to be the love of my life, I would have been frustrated, less sure of myself, and arguably not as skilled to enjoy my current sex life near as much.
That last point is extremely important. Being good at sex is not easy, not even for a girl. You have to know what you're doing. There are two things you can do to get better at sex. First, have it, a lot. The more sex you have, the better you get at it. Second, masterbate. The better you are at getting yourself off, the better you will be at getting your partner off. And for you men out there, the more you masterbate, the longer you can last during sex.
I personally think, and I'd like to get some thoughts on this, especially from girls. If we were able to get over the stigma of sex, would the tropes of losing your virginity disappear? I think they would. I think that it would no longer be this terrifying thing that is supposed to be incredibly painful and all that. Thoughts?
Hmmm. I agree with you on the first part of your last post, cody. Definitely. But I'm undecided about your question regarding virgins and the stigma of sex... I think that like with anything else, the first time will always be the most nerve-wrecking, and so naturally, a virgin might hesitate to take that step at least to some degree, even without the social stigma. The first time you drive, the first time you ski, the first time...You name it. You can take all the stigma out of sex all you like, but virgins will still be people first, and virgins second. meaning that there will still be an aura of nervousness surrounding the idea of having sex for the first time, especially for the female whose himan has never been broken otherwise. You have to take into consideration that a male feels relatively no pain during his first time, (at least not to the point of having a wall of tissue broken, I presume).
And even sans the stigma, people will feel a degree of uncertainty or nervousness, and they'll make it a big deal moreso based on their individual character than on their upbringing. Just my oppinion.
You have a point. Perhaps not all the nervousness will disappear, but the terror probably would. The actual breaking of the tissue, at least nowadays, rarely even happens during sex. Its usually broken by bike riding or exercise and you don't even notice it. You have to wonder how much it would change if it wasn't such a big step in life. As it should be.
Bernadetta is right, so I won't be repetitive. I'll add, though, that as much as some people seem to want the terror to disappear, I think it'll likely always be there. and, I disagree that girls rarely have their hymen broken during sex.
I'd be willing to bet girls and guys both worry about the same thing. Will he or she like it and me after. What will it be like, and hopefully she won't get pregnant.
Oddly, I never worried about that. Maybe I'm weird.
Chelsea, disagree if you like, but science agrees. The pain that is felt isn't the hymen breaking, its the muscles being stretched in a way they never have been before. The bleeding is from the vaginal lining tearing slightly.
either way, I'm more inclined to side with chelsea on this one. perhaps the hyman is not technically broken, but the pain and the blood and the unfamiliar sensations are still there. whether social stigma is there or not, cody, as much as you'd rather it be otherwise, losing your virginity, for a girl at least, will always be a big deal from one perspective or another. it's not going to change, whether daddy or the church decide if sex is a big deal or not.
Having spoken to a number of women on this very subject, I think neither of you is entirely correct. Like so many things, reactions to one's first time, the amount of pain or lack of pain, and all the rest vary with each individual. I think too, the skill and consideration of the male has a bearing as to how uncomfortable, and how nervous her first time is. Taboo and stigma are powerful, but they are imposed by society or other institutions. If our outlook towards sex, particularly as women are concerned, would be more positive, and more healthy, the worry, the pain, the stigma and all the rest would be far less of a discussion point.
I think that is one side of it that neither of us touched on, and we should have. Men get taught so little about sex, and even less about taking the virginity of a girl, that we have no idea what we're doing. Fix that and I think it would go a long way towards aleviating some of the pain.
Bernadetta's last post is right on. thanks for saying what I would've.
Women are afraid it will hurt the first time, and men are afraid they will hurt her. Maybe it's having lost the virginity at the beginning of the 90s, when all the rage was that everything sexually wrong had to be the man's fault. But girls have no idea what guys are contending with: if she hurts, you fucked up. If she cries, you weren't sensitive enough. If she this, if she that. A million things running through your mind. Naturally, the biology of the situation being what it is, You're pretty impelled as a guy to carry on, but I remember believing if she didn't orgasm, that was by definition my fault. I thought that for the first ten years. No woman has been better off because a man was saddled with all of that. And by the way, if you go to any sort of a religious based marriage retreat situation, they paint the same picture. One of many reasons that I say Feminism and Fundamentalist Christianity are like two sisters who fight with each other but are so similar it's very hard to tell them apart, at least as it relates to sex and male participation.
I think if society had an individual-responsibility approach to sex like it does to capitalism, we'd be a lot better off. Blame and shame accomplishes nothing. I understand, what I point out here contradicts your churches, sit-coms, Feminist literature, and other corporate-subsidized female infantilization and male criminalization, but it's true.
Cody, at your age, I also would have claimed that I wasn't thinking about what was gonna happen either, or that I wasn't freaking out about hurting her or not bringing her to the big O. But there was what you think about when laying there at night, or even watching a popular show, that is quite different. Many men my age that I know personally, have started admitting to this.
As to the wait for the right one? I definitely think there are far more questions than answers on that one: you have two virgins hook up, she's terrified of the pain involved and probably overwhelmed by his eagerness, and he while trying to tone it down and be sensitive is trying to make it all okay for her. That just can't be right.
Much of what you say is true, but I sense some anger in your post. To paint feminism with a single broad brush goes against the very individualism you promote. Feminism is not a single philosophy. It varies according to the generation of the woman, and is influenced by her own experience and geographical background. It is true that some feminists are not very open to male issues, but some males are just as obtuse and closed to female issues. Instead of blaming each other, we'd be better served by communicating and working things out as individual couples.
In some societies it was traditional to take a male to an experienced woman for his first of a few times, so that he could learn without pressure.
In a very limited scope, women were also introduced to sex by an older male, but that was extremely limited.
Seems like it might have had some valid points, and I personally was happier to be with someone that was experienced first. It was just better. After that all situations were better.
There are actually some societies, mostly isolated ones on islands, where they don't actually realize that pregnancy is a result of sex. They simply don't have that intellect. To them, there is no stigma about sex. Its just something you do for fun. Like we watch football, they have sex. To them, the only thing sex does is make you feel better.
While I usually detest a lack of intelligence, I can't fault them for this one. First, I like the notion of sex not being such a big deal, and second it isn't there fault.
I actually liked the fact when I first had sex the person I was with wasn't experienced and neither was I. So to me, I didn't feel pressured, I didn't need to feel like I had to get something right or do things the way the experienced person wanted me to do them, or I didn't have to try and teach someone who had no idea what to do and how to please me.
Pasco has a point. I wasn't so much trying to paint with a broad brush as bring to the forefront things that are always in the background and kicked around and silenced. It doesn't matter who it is that's silenced: those poor chicks in the polygamist compounds, or those ones in middle eastern countries who can't drive, or whoever we're talking about. I still say if everyone just is responsible for themselves first and no false guilt ever for anyone things would be an improvement.
The difference, of course, is that since what I brought to the foreground had to do with men, then it is said to be a broad brush or angry or something, whereas women can do this unchallenged all they wish. This is no more equitable than when women attempted to speak up for themselves in the 1950s / 1960s and were labelled uncaring and all sorts of things at that time. In contrast, I have never advocated any sort of shame-based control over another party, a striking contrast between me and either the 50s men or their feminist counterparts in some circles now. And for the record, in case you've never read any of my posts on this topic, I have unabashedly blamed only myself for ever listening to it. Check out the topic I started on "We men aren't pigs, we're just fools."
Cody and Wayne I have heard of both. As a guy that would have been nice, not just to have a older teacher but a guy's first time out is likely to be over eager, and perhaps to really work it off first with some cougar action would then make it better should he ever be with a virgin. The island thing? interesting. Well sex does release endorphines and dopamine in the brain I think, and yeah, I agree with Cody, is an all-round good thing.
And that is exactly the point. You are not pushed when you are with the experienced person. They get you to relax and put not expectations on you. They allow you to be as you are and slow you down by simply suggesting that you relax.
My views on sex are not the normal, I understand this.
It is an odd thing, but on these islands over population isn't an issue. You'd assume because they are having sex for pleasure, they'd have more people then they can support. The people they do get are just fed, clothed, and taken care of as a community thing.
Maybe nature has something to do with this. It is odd.
Perhaps you're not so abnormal as you suspect: only that you are able to put into words, and have the balls to acknowledge, what many of the rest of us simply look in at from around the edges, or from the outside.
The folks on the island may be ignorant and uneducated, but that doesn't mean they have no intellect. Big distinction.
And, yes I agree painting any group as all the same as in a broad brush, is not fair no matter who does it. Women and men both have often been guilty of this as regards the opposite sex.
something that hasn't been touched on, is the fact women have similar concerns as men. will we please our partner enough, will we be sexy enough, ETC. as we've seen, though, that's yet another aspect that isn't discussed.
like Wayne, I feel being with someone experienced helps tremendously. there's no pressure, but rather, the desire to please, be pleased, and get you on the road to becoming a good lover.
Agreed. Any excuse at all be it woman or man, to ditch the shame / hangups / fears associated with not being or doing enough.
haha I bursted out laughing by reading the name .......! Sex can be wonderful.not ....... or lovemaking, sounds better? :D
But what if you are not making love? What if you are having a one night stand or are just having fun? Sex feels good. It doesn't always have love in it.
i agree sex doesnt always gotta b bout love and romance.
this is why I created the board :), lol.
Well said. Not that I've ever much been into the casual thing but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be willing to try it.
Bryan, why haven't you been into it? just curious.
It just seemed like a lot of guys my ae were only into the casual thing. And I'd just never met a woman I would have been interested in having a casual relationship with.
I totally agree that sex with someone that you deeply care about and have a strong emotional attachment too is absolutely wonderful, but a casual fling can bring its own sort of satisfaction as well. You get the sex, without all the emotional involvement. Sometimes, that can be a good thing.
not to mention just as wonderful as having the emotional attachment.
For me, so far, that hasn't been true. I think people will differ here quite a bit, based on what drives them,as well as their personal experiences. For me, I love making sure my partner is satisfied, but the more emotionally attached I am, the more important their pleasure is to me, and the more of a high it give me
All good points.
You are going to miss out on the opportunity to learn and experiment if you keep your sex life restrained until you find your true love or whoever or whatever it is you are waiting for. Just think of how much more you can find out from experimenting with a few people as compared to one person, that is if things even work out with that person. You could end up with a person who does not have the same level sex drive you have, who finds the things you find attractive to be unattractive, or a number of things along those lines. It is much better for you to figure these things out early on instead of waiting, and making yourself prone to being stuck with someone who you feel obligated to. Never ever allow yourself in to a relationship that is just an obligation. It should be enjoyable and equal for the both of you, whether it is serious or casual. You both need to be on equal terms.
Not to mention it is just plain fun.
Oh my gosh, some of these posts cracked me up. I'm mostly referring to the really old ones, from like 3-4 years ago. Someone posted about wanting it from people other than his wife, that made me laugh so hard. Dude, whoever you are, wherever you are now, however your marriage turned out, the fuck?
I think other posts brought up really inciteful points about virginity. Why does it need to be such a big deal? I was super caught up in the sex with someone I love thing forever, and I don't regret having sex with those who I have, but I do wish I had been mor experimental before. Not gone and fucked just anyone because I think there needs to be an element of knowing the person, liking the person, some level of trust, in order for me to truly enjoy it, but not necessarily love. Like so many have said, you just never know what will come of that love in the future, and losing your virginity thinking you're in a forever relationship can actually make you feel so much worse when that person leaves you. A lot of that, in my case, comes down to pure naivety, but it hurt me so bad in my teens, nonetheless. So in short, I think it would be great to break the love-sex stigmas. You don't need to love someone to lose your virginity. Like others have kinda said, it can actually be much better, I've heard, when you're good friends with the person, so you can have a candid conversation later about specifics, and you don't feel pressured or embarrassed about any of it because, at the end of the day, you're just good friends. So in my 21 year old wisdom (ha-ha,) I say you don't need to love, just feel comfortable.
Now, to the topic at hand, a good passionate fuck is incredible. And I think the word fuck is used appropriately here. I get that it's vulgar and kinda blunt, but that's what we're talking about here, right? Not sweet love making, but passionate, intense, hard, wet fucking. Delicious. Yeah, sweet, romantic, tender love making is so wonderful too, but sometimes I feel like it gets overdone. It has its place, special occasions and all, but spontaneous passion is so much more exciting, in my opinion.
so, Sarah, in your view, what's wrong with wanting sex from someone other than the person you're married to?
I definitely agree about knowing the person even if you're not strictly in a relationship. I guess I should also add that I don't kow anyone who would be willing to enter into that kind of association. As for wanting sex wit someone other than your partner I imagine everyone experiences that at one point or another. I certainly have. I also agre about the virginity thing. That's one of the reasons my first girlfriend and I didn't work out, well aside from our woefully incompatible religious views. But Chelsey was caught up in the forever thing and kept asking me what would happen if we had sex and then later broke up. That happens. Neither is waitin till after marriage any sort of guarantee. You just have to pull yourself together and move on. Then last year she was telling me she'd be willing to settle for a casual thing if I wasn't ready for a committed relationship. I was the only person she'd be willing to do that for. Why she feels the need to put me on some sort of pedestal I don't know, but that's just how she is. She also has a boyfriend, which makes the whole thing needlessly complicated. I suspect, however, that even if I had been inclined to take her seriously her religious convictions would inevitably get in the way. If she cameout for a visit and we had sex she would inevitably cometo regret it, both because the Bible says no sex before marriage and because I'm not and have never been a believer in the way she thinks I should.
Ah, she hasn't put you on apedestal , she is making you drool, and you are drooling!
She knows you want it, so is holding out her ice cream. Soon as you try to take a lick, she'll snatch it back.
Maiden, why are you wishing you'd experienced more? You did say you are 21? Seems to me, you've just gotten to the age where you can have your cake and eat it too without restraints from your parent peoples?
I have said on this board love is over rated when it comes to sex. Sex is not love, and you don't need love to have good sex.
A man that wants sex from another woman other then his wife should invite his wife to join them, I say!
Oh she's putting me on a pedestal all right. She claims I'm the only one she'd be willing to do that for. But I know her too well to take her seriously. There's a reason that on the rare occasions when I've ever dreamed about her in that way she always got cold feet before we could get down to doing the deed. Why she always waited until we were both naked I'll never understand, but I never understand the things I dream. And knowing her if we were actually to meet in real life we wouldn't even get to that point before she flipped out and ran off.
wow, and here I was thinking you had been in each other's lives for real.
Wow! I thought so too. I thought you had actually dated, I mean where she was close enough to touch and all.
Nuff said!
No no no no, this was actually a face to face relationship. We spent a lot of time together, albeit mostly at the Oregon School for the Blind where we met. Even on the comparitively rare occasions when we met at one of our houses she always tried to impose the same restrictions on us that we had at school. She was so uptight that it was difficult to get her to hold hands let alone anything more.
Ah. I see where my post may have caused confusion. I neglected to point out the fact that we have in fact spent time together. So when I said "if we were actually to meet in person" it implied that I'd never met this woman.My bad. LOL.
Okay. I thought you had, but then you post "if we ever met" and so I got lost.
Yeah. Once I looked back and read that I saw where the confusion was. LOL. But it was hard enough getting this woman to hold hands in public sometimes let alone to consider doing anything more in private. Even a kiss on the cheek was almost forbidden territory letalone doing the Hanky Panky LOL.
yeah, that's where I got lost, too. thanks for clearing it up, though.
It obviously needed it. LOL.